My Stubborn Elderly Parent Refuses Help

Inevitably, there comes a time when adult children notice their aging parent is struggling with some basic household tasks.
It may be that seniors are challenged with grooming and dressing or getting to the grocery store on a regular basis. Still, others may be suffering from an illness or injury and be limited in their mobility. Even though they can’t do things for themselves, they may steadfastly refuse in-home care from others.


Senior Care in Hillsborough CA: Senior Care Assistance

Senior Care in Hillsborough CA: Senior Care Assistance


For family caregivers to understand why their aging parent is not eager for an elderly care provider to help them out, they must step back and analyze why their mom or dad is so resistant. It may be difficult for them to admit that their health and wellness is declining. They may feel too proud to look helpless or incapable in front of others. Seniors may become angry, defensive, or weepy when family caregivers try to have a talk about hiring an elderly care provider.


When family members encounter resistance from their elderly parent about elderly care providers, they can try to incorporate some of these tips to make that conversation go more smoothly:

  • Choose a time when the aging adult is comfortable, alert and content.
  • Avoid making accusations about a loved one’s behavior and abilities, which will put them on the defensive.
  • Point out areas and occasions when they’ve struggled to do something.
  • Never raise voices and keep the conversation positive.
  • Try to address specific areas where seniors may need help and point out areas where they are still largely independent, so it doesn’t all seem so overwhelming.
  • Point out that the in-home care from the elderly care provider will help keep them safer and healthier.
  • Have a frank conversation about the financial aspect of elderly care providers.
  • Emphasize that an elderly care provider means they will have less stress and more free time.
  • Bring in other opinions, such as family members, friends, clergy, doctors, and other influential people.
  • Don’t make decisions on behalf of the aging adult and include them as much as possible.


Sometimes, an aging person’s resistance to an elderly care provider can be overcome by introducing the services a little at a time.
At first, the elderly care provider can come one or two mornings per week and just do light housework, for example. Over time, as the senior feels more comfortable, the elderly care provider can come more often and get involved in more caregiving activities.


If the aging adult needs the in-home care immediately, such as in response to an illness, surgery or injury, there isn’t as much time to acclimate them to the idea. In this case, having seniors more involved in selecting the elderly care provider will give them some input and control into the situation that they find themselves in. Having a say will help them feel involved instead of acted upon. No matter what, the aging adult’s safety and health is the top concern, and family caregivers should not yield on this important matter.


If you or an aging loved-one are considering hiring Senior Care in Hillsborough, CA, call the caring staff at Aviva In-Home Care. Call today: (415) 795-2203

Evan Loevner, CEO

As a former hospital administrator, I launched Aviva with the goal of having a more focused, direct impact on the delivery of care than I could ever accomplish within a hospital setting. For me, the joy of running an organization like Aviva In-Home Care is having the ability to positively improve the lives of individuals needing customized care. As a passionate San Francisco resident, I know that many local seniors can benefit from new approaches to in-home care, that will bring them more connection to the community, and provide families with a greater sense of comfort that their loved one is indeed matched with an ideal caregiver. This starts by including the family throughout the care planning process, a key component of the concept of “family-centered care,” which has been adopted by top medical centers. A strong communication loop between family, the caregiver, Aviva management, and community healthcare practitioners is essential for ensuring that all the needs of the client are met. While this may not sound like a novel concept, it is not commonly practiced within the home care community.

At Aviva, we also use the latest in health technology to maximize opportunities for communication between all members of our client’s care circles. We utilize nursing oversight to ensure that we are in compliance with physician orders, and that our careplans are being properly administered. Lastly, Aviva is a proud member of The Senior’s Choice, a national network of leading home care agencies that share best practices and focus on continual improvement.

As owner of the business, I also promise to you my direct involvement in your loved ones care, and will always make myself available for feedback and improvements in our service. I look forward to working with you and your loved one on creating a care plan that is perfectly suited to the family's needs. Thank you for considering Aviva as your care partner.